I mourn the dwindling daylight. 

 

I’d spent the day like a child pouting in an amusement park - refusing to ride a single roller coaster because she’d wanted to go to a different amusement park.

 

I pass through experiences without experiencing them. Feeling arise but I don’t feel them. When I interact with people, I find myself thinking, “oh, when will this end.?”

 

I save article after article, looking for something more interesting.

 

In life, I don’t engage. I don’t connect, it’s as if everything is a thousands miles away. 

 

Conversations are muted. 

 

Colors appear desaturated. 

 

Music alludes to feelings I can’t feel. 

 

My head is a tangle of ruminative, cynical and demeaning thoughts, that have, through repetition, become a part-of-me like a new organ that’s forever pumping sour abstractions into a brain thats long since been septic and tainted.

 

It’s a torrent of negativity coming, because:

 

I am the destroyer of all things. 

 

The city is a bombed out ruins where I stand in the center. A fog all around, populated only by shadows - shadows that could be anyone. 

 

It’s like I’m screaming and holding my breath at the same time.